How Going Viral Made Me Sick (& My Return to Slow-Paced Media)
My struggle with social media has been a long ongoing one. I got my first phone at the age of 10 and started using digital devices super early on. Back then I used it mostly for creating funny music videos (hello, videostar app), playing fun games, writing a blog (hello blogger./com) and taking silly photos with friends.
I loved the internet from the start. I loved how infinite it felt, how much there was to learn, how much you could do and how many possibilities it offered for me to express myself creatively.
Even when i first downloaded Instagram, i loved it. I loved the excitement of it, the fun filters, being able to share photos with friends. Back then there were no reels, no stories and no one followed you except for your friends and family. Slowly more social media apps came to life, such as Musical.ly, Snapchat and so on. And of course Youtube had already existed for a while at that time too.
As someone who has a deep inner desire to express themselves and although I struggle to admit it, a deep inner desire to be seen in the world, a part of me loved all of this. It didn’t take long for me to become intrigued by the possibility of going viral, getting seen and gaining an audience. So naturally, I started putting myself out there right away. First through Instagram, then Youtube, then Musical.ly, followed with later, Tiktok and Reels.
It was a natural progression, I adapted and grew with the apps I was using. When new features came out, I used them too. It wasn’t until the age of 15, when the rise of TikTok led me to have many videos on my different accounts blow up. First it was silly videos, chasing what was bound to get viewed the most, feeling the rush that came with having my videos being seen by over a million people. After that, I wanted to use it to kickstart my photography career, which through my many tireless efforts, actually worked. I posted daily, both on TikTok and Instagram. It was all I thought about. I spent hours clicking through 4-6 second trending audios, saving inspo and creating new content.
The rush that I felt during that time was incomparable. Especially when the hurt misunderstood creative inner child still sat in the drivers seat, each ‘‘viral’’ video felt like striking gold. It was a feeling I never had before. It was exhilarating and destructive at the same time. I constantly wanted more. Once that emotion was felt for the first time, I didn’t want anything else. So I kept hustling, kept following the trends, adapted to the platforms algorithms and countless changes. When new features came out, I was the first to use them.
It was already then, that I noticed slight symptoms of burn-out, overwhelm and brain-fog. My attention span felt alarmingly fried and my anxiety was at an all time high. I felt disconnected from my body, literally almost couldn’t feel it. Was stuck in my head from morning until late and almost like a drug-addict, the only thing in my mind was to get more validation, more likes, more views, more praise and a higher follower count. I feel embarrassed even stating this here, but it’s true.
It got more and more alarming when I noticed myself traveling the world, being at the most beautiful spots I had ever seen, and all I could think about was taking a photo to post on my story. Almost seeing each moment through the lens of my account, rather than my own eyes and my own sensations. Everything was a means to an end. And the end goal was always more of something.
I also noticed that minutes of researching trending audios, turned into walking around my room with headphones on, imagining myself creating videos that would go viral and become beloved by many. It was after 2 years of spending hours weekly clicking through 4 seconds dopamine-filled audios and daydreaming, that I noticed how off-balance everything had become.
It was then, that more health issue symptoms came through, such as actual physical health issues, stomach problems, fatigue, weakness and more anxiety. But I kept pushing through. Back then my goal was still to become the world’s biggest photographer and social media was my gateway to that. And if there’s one thing about me that has always been the case: If i want something, i’ll work hard to get it. So I did.
It wasn’t until I found myself on one of my last long-distance travels before my health breakdown, doing a shoot, pushing through, only thinking about posting about it on my Instagram after, that my body said ‘‘no more.’’
I had already been self-aware before that. The funny thing is, that I had always been social medias biggest critic, holding presentation on the effects of it on teenagers brains, at the age of 14 in school. It was something I was incredibly passionate about, yet apparently I had to experience the real effects on my life, brain and body for myself.
In 2023 I suffered a very severe health breakdown, which led to a year of not being able to really leave the house much, having severe energy crashes, fatigue, anxiety & panic attacks and stomach issues. I wasn’t able to drive my car or go on walks without panicking. This time forced me to pause everything. It was one of the most challenging times I ever had to go through, yet at the same time, intuitively i knew, that it happened for a reason.
I used this time to question everything. The way my ego, my desire for validation and also just fast-paced dopamine media had affected my entire life, creative expression and my decisions. I also reflected on how fast-paced media, algorithms and short-form content messed with my brain and what big tech cooperations motives are. I was also sure that it can’t be normal to see so many insights of people’s lives through stories, constant shiny new posts and fast-paced videos.
During this time, I first reconnected to the core of my being. The core of my soul and what truly brings me joy. I connected back to my child self, started doing things she loved. I stepped away from social media for a while then, noticing how good it felt.
Yet, social media still held a strange pull on me. I started a new account in 2024, posting about topics I was more passionate about such as healing, spirituality and mindfulness. Again, I quickly fell into the hamster wheel again. I started posting daily, sharing and creating. Things were a bit better this time, since they were less ego-led and more soul-led, but deep down I still felt that something was off. But I was convinced that there was no other way. If i wanted to put myself out there, it could only be worth it when it was through social media. There almost was no other way. It all I knew. It felt comfortable. I knew how to grow accounts from 0 to 15k+, how to get videos to blow up. It was what I had done for years.
Already feeling my health getting better at that time, I again, fell into fast-paced content creation more and more. It was easy to get back into the familiar routine and groove. Jokes on me though, not even a few weeks later, I got bit by a tick and got infected with Lyme. My symptoms included immense brainfog, feeling like my head was on fire, overstimulation and headaches.
It was then, that I couldn’t be on social media apps for more than 3min without wanting to cry due to stinging eyes, overstimulation and immense overwhelm. It felt like my entire physical & mental system was rebelling against social media. It sounds dramatic, but that’s what happened. What I had already intuitively known and slightly felt before, but ignored, hit me like a truck. Only this time it was amplified to a 100.
It was then, that I stopped creating content on social media almost all together. When I say social media I mostly mean Instagram and Tiktok (& fast-paced short videos). I still fell back into it once in a while, silently plotting content strategies to go viral again and to return to what’s familiar, but mostly, I focused on my real life. I focused on community, I focused on my body, reading, writing, friends, music and nature. I started hosting community gatherings and events in my city, which led to unbelievably magic and joy.
As a person that continuously says that creativity is all that I am, my urge for creation has never faded. So although stepping away fully from fast-paced content such as reels, tiktoks and shorts, i kept creating online. Because I reconnected with the fact that I had always loved the internet itself, just not the fast-paced overwhelming side of it. I started creating long-form youtube videos, training my attention span through writing, reading 50+ books a year, attending retreats, hosting picnics and events and working on my by far favorite projects: creating my website (my very own cozy creative world without rules or algorithms or overwhelming content from other people).
It’s what i’m still doing right now and I notice that i’m not the only one. More and more people are getting offline, are creating and growing without fast-paced media and are returning to slow-paced cozier media. The platforms and ways of doing this are unique to every individual, but for me places like that are: Pinterest, my Website, Substack, Podcasting, Long-form YouTube Videos and actual in-person Community.
It feels as though i’m finally listening to my soul and that the timing it had for me was right. People are burnt out and with AI on the rise, it seems as though everything is getting more digital and fast-paced. More people than ever are spitting out 8 reels a day, posting their entire lives through stories online and posting one viral trendy copy-paste text video after the other to achieve virality to ‘‘make it’’. Instagram and fast-paced media platforms have turned into the new rat race. But what I like about this odd, dystopian and weird time right now, is that even though it seems like it’s all going downhills, there’s a huge chunk of individuals, creatives, artists, deep-thinkers and critics that are returning to life again. To real life, to slow creation, to connection, to longer essays and writings, longer podcast episodes and longer videos. More people are returning to and creating in-person communities and connecting again without phones and without social media. At the end of the day, it matters where we choose to direct our focus and which side we want to pick and be on.
All I know for sure is.. that i’m choosing the slow way.
Some Questions to ask yourself:
Which social platforms do you use on a daily/weekly basis and how does your soul feel when you enter them? (Envision them as little worlds & portals that you’re stepping into). How does your energy shift/adapt or change when you spend time within those worlds. Write it down.
Which platform worlds make you feel good and which ones make you feel drained, anxious, overwhelmed and nervous. Which platforms you post on give you a sense of urgency when creating?
Think of your art creations, your business, your brand (whatever it may be), as a world. Do you want the world to be built on wonky ground, unreliable algorithms and spaces that make you anxious?
What has your intuition & your body already been quietly telling you for years, although you keep ignoring it?
Until next time,
Amelie x
